Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
