I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
