I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize