I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
