My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
...so i touched it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
