your thong is hanging out like whoa
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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