He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
