I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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