Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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