She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
