Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
