The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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