she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
