the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
