I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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