I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
