best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
