I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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