She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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