And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
