my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
