is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
