Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
