i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
