its not stalking. its research.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
