Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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