It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I came so hard my ears popped.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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