And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize