My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize