Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
