And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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