Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
