im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
