Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize