You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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