If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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