there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
