I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
