her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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