he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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