So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
