this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
