Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
