oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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