I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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