I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
