did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
