I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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