My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
