I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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