He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
