there's paper in my vomit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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