the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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