so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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