you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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