Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
