Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
FUCK WHALES
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
