I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
