I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry my hands just texted you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
