is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize