You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
