yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize