this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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