how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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