Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
