I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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