im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
