Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
