If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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