He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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