STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
