When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
